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Summarize the average of three nutritions

Summarize the average of three nutritions 6xXoB
According to these pie charts, we can find how much sodium, saturated fats and added sugars are consumed in typical meals on average in the United States. A half of added sugars consumed in snacks by American people. Also, about 40 percent of sodium and saturated fats is eaten at the dinner. In contrary, added sugars are not so many taken at dinner. In addition, saturated fats and sodium are usually consumed in all typical meals. Especially, lunch tends to be more salty and oily compared with lower percentage of breakfast. In fact, American people does not eat a lot of sodium, added sugars and saturated fats in breakfast. The amount of sodium is the same percentage in breakfast and snacks. In all, the percentage gradually increase through the meals. In terms of saturated fat, it has high percentages in all typical meals overall and the highest percentage in dinner.
According to these pie charts, we can find how much sodium,
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saturated
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fats
and
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added
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sugars
are consumed
in typical
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meals
on average in the United States. A half of
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added
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sugars
consumed in snacks by American
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people
.
Also
, about 40 percent of sodium and
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saturated
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fats
is eaten
at the dinner. In contrary,
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added
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sugars
are not
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so
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many
taken at dinner.
In addition
,
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saturated
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fats
and sodium are
usually
consumed in all typical
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meals
.
Especially
, lunch tends to be more salty and oily compared with lower
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percentage
of breakfast. In fact, American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
not eat
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a lot of
sodium,
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added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugars
and
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saturated
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fats
in breakfast. The amount of sodium is the same
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percentage
in breakfast and snacks. In all, the
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percentage
gradually
increase through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
. In terms of
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saturated
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fat
, it has high
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percentages
in all typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
overall
and the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in dinner.
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IELTS academic Summarize the average of three nutritions

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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