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Spreads consumption comparison

Spreads consumption comparison p5maw
The line graph shows the consumption of spreads in grams between 1981 and 2007. Overall, it can be seen that the consumption of low fat and reduced spreads were higher than the other two spreads. To begin, the most popular spread that consumed in 1981 was butter at around 140 grams, which is far higher than its counterpart margarine at around 90 grams and then decreased until they both meet in the year 1991 at 100 grams. Then, the consumption of butter decreased continuously and finished at just under 60 grams, while margarine stayed constant for a while and then decreased to 40 grams in the year 2007. In sharp contrast to this, the consumption of low fat and reduced spreads did not even introduce until 1996, it then increased drastically until it dominated both butter and margarine in 2001 and then had a slight fall to finish at just under 80 grams, which is still the most popular spread in the year 2007.
The line graph
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shows
the
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consumption
of
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spreads
in
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grams
between 1981 and 2007.
Overall
, it can be
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seen
that the
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consumption
of low
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fat
and
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reduced
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spreads
were higher than the other two spreads.

To
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begin
, the most popular
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spread
that consumed in 1981 was butter at around 140
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grams
, which is far higher than its counterpart margarine at around 90
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grams
and then decreased until they both
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meet
in the year 1991 at 100
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grams
. Then, the
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consumption
of butter decreased
continuously
and finished at
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just
under 60
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grams
, while margarine stayed constant for a while and then decreased to 40
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grams
in the year 2007.

In sharp contrast to this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
did not even introduce until 1996, it then increased
drastically
until it dominated both butter and margarine in 2001 and then had a slight fall to finish at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
, which is
still
the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
in the year 2007.
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IELTS academic Spreads consumption comparison

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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