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Some people who migrate to other countries find it difficult to fit into the new society. What are the causes of this? What can be done to make the changes easier?

Some people who migrate to other countries find it difficult to fit into the new society. What are the causes of this? What can be done to make the changes easier? R0NBG
Nowadays, more and more people are migrating to overseas countries in order to study or work; however, they deal with many difficult problems to adapt to a new culture. This essay will examine why this issue is occurring and provide some possible solutions. There are a variety of reasons why people find it hard to live in other countries. Perhaps the most important cause is the language barrier. To be specific when moving to another country, the first thing overseas people need to know is the language. If emigrants do not know the language of the country they move to, they can not communicate with local people and study or work productivity will decline. Furthermore, people have to deal with cultural differences or culture shock. They can not adapt to a new culture in one or two weeks, as a result they get at risk of diseases such as insomnia, homesickness or normal illnesses. However there are some possible solutions available to address this problem. First of all, emigrants should explore and learn more about the culture of the country they will migrate to. Not only does it help them easily adapt to new cultures, but it also expresses their knowledge. Furthermore, people also need to learn some international languages, especially English or Chinese which are used the most all over the world. As a result, they will not face to language problems when communicating or studying. In conclusion, migration is a very relevant topic in modern society. From my point of view the best solution for this problem is expanding your knowledge. The more information you know, the less troubles you face.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are migrating to overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to study or work;
however
, they deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to adapt to a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. This essay will examine why this issue is occurring and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions.

There are a variety of reasons why
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people
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Perhaps the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier. To be specific when moving to another
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country
, the
first
thing overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to know is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. If emigrants do not know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to, they can not communicate with local
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people
and study or work productivity will decline.
Furthermore
,
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with cultural differences or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
shock. They can not adapt to a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in one or two weeks,
as a result
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of diseases such as insomnia, homesickness or normal illnesses.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions available to address this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, emigrants should explore and learn more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they will migrate to. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
easily
adapt to new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
expresses their knowledge.
Furthermore
,
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people
also
need to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
,
especially
English or Chinese which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the most all over the world.
As a result
, they will not face to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
when communicating or studying.

In conclusion
, migration is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
relevant topic in modern society. From my point of view the best solution for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is expanding your knowledge. The more information you know, the
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun troubles is countable.
less
troubles you face.
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IELTS academic Some people who migrate to other countries find it difficult to fit into the new society. What are the causes of this? What can be done to make the changes easier?

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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