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Some people think teachers are responsible for childre's development but others think parents are responsible

Some people think teachers are responsible for childre's development but others think parents are responsible nVBWo
It is true that, up to date we are facing various conflicts in our life but the progress of children is a vital one which we should think about it strongly. Although knowledge is carried by teachers and they are the idols of children in the society but the main objectives are done by parents as well as they are ever ready for supporting their children in any way. Firstly, children can get knowledge with the help of teachers. For example, differ from parents teachers introduce the science world to children due to they are educated and every teacher is a specialist of his subject. As a result, they can lead children to wonders of world which is full with interests. Furthermore, everyone has his idol who inspires him develop his skills. For instance, teachers are the best idols for the children who studies at primary education. Roughly 80 % children want to be a teacher and they ever try to imitate them. Even they perform their teachers' acts such as speeches, walks as well as their mimes at home with their siblings. Consequently, teachers behavior plays an urgent role in children's life. However, most people plan their children's development and future before they birth. Actually, as an example children are controlled aimly by their parents at home. Parents teach them how to behave themselves around the table, among their friends and in public eye as well. Therefore, a great deal of children behave as their parents do at home. Moreover, achieving success is sometimes belongs to financial aids. Besides studying at school children should be get extra lessons after classes. Currently, a large number of children attend some academic courses significantly and this is required a supplement. Thus, parents provide their children and lay a groundwork for their children's future. To conclude, considering teachers' responsibility for developing children knowledge and being pupils' idols as well as parents' role in behavior of children with supporting, I firmly believe that parents should care about the importance of their children's development
It is true that, up to date we are facing various conflicts in our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the progress of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a vital one which we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it
strongly
.

Although knowledge
is carried
by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teachers and
they are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idols
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the main objectives
are done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as they are ever ready for supporting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in any way.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
For example
, differ from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
introduce the science world to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to they
are educated
and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is a specialist of his subject.
As a result
, they can lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to wonders of world which is
The usual collocation for "full" is "of" not "with". Did you mean "full of"?
full with
interests.

Furthermore
, everyone has his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idol
who inspires him develop his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idols
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
Did you mean "study"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
studies
at primary education. Roughly 80 %
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to be a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teacher and
they ever try to imitate them. Even they perform their teachers' acts such as speeches, walks as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as their mimes at home with their siblings.

Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
behavior plays an urgent role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
life.

However
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
plan their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
development and future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they birth. Actually, as an example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are controlled
Possible spelling mistake found.
aimly
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
teach them how to behave themselves around the table, among their friends and in public eye as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
Therefore
, a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "behaves"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'behave' is not always incorrect.)
behave
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do at home.

Moreover
, achieving success is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
belongs to financial aids.
Besides
studying at school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
Did you mean "got", "gotten"?
get
extra lessons after classes.
Currently
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
academic courses
significantly
and this
is required
a supplement.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and lay a groundwork for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
future.

To conclude
, considering teachers' responsibility for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
knowledge and being pupils'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idols
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as parents' role in behavior of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with supporting, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should care about the importance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
development
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IELTS academic Some people think teachers are responsible for childre's development but others think parents are responsible

Academic
  American English
8 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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