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Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Qo9w
The diagrams illustrate some proposed changes to the central area of the town of Islip. It is clear that the principal change to the town will be the construction of a ring road around the centre. Various other developments with regard to shops and housing will accompany the building of this road. Looking at the map of Islip as it is now, we can see that a main road runs through its centre from east to west. The second map shows the planned pedestrianisation of this road. Traffic will be diverted on to a dual carriageway that will form a ring around the town centre. Currently there is a row of shops along either side of the main road. However, it appears that the shops along the north side of the new pedestrian street will be demolished to make way for a bus station, shopping centre, car park and new housing area. The shops along the south side of the street will remain, but it seems that the town’s park will be reduced in size so that more new houses can be built within the ring road.
The diagrams illustrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proposed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to the central area of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Islip
.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the principal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
will be the construction of a ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
around the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. Various other developments with regard to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and housing will accompany the building of this road.

Looking at the map of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Islip
as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that a main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
runs through its
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
from east to west. The second map
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the planned
Possible spelling mistake. 'pedestrianisation' is British English.
pedestrianisation
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
. Traffic will
be diverted
on to a dual carriageway that will form a ring around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
there is a row of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
along either side of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
.
However
, it appears that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
along the north side of the new pedestrian street will
be demolished
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
way for a bus station, shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, car park and new housing area. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
along the south side of the street will remain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it seems that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town’s
park will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in size
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that more new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
can
be built
within the ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
.
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IELTS academic Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
187 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.