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six distinct age brackets, above 18 years old, opting for watching phone-based television.

six distinct age brackets, above 18 years old, opting for watching phone-based television. XVPd8
The given bar chart visually compares the proportion of six distinct age brackets, above 18 years old, opting for watching phone-based television. Overall, it is noticeable that users aged 18-24 appear to be those enjoying TV via smartphones most frequently, whereas the opposite was true for. . . / the opposite pattern was witnessed among people aged 65 and over. As can be observed from the chart, the percentage presenting people from the 18-24 group is nearly four times higher than that of those aged over 65, with the figures standing at 80% and 18% respectively. Raking at the second position is the statistic of the 25-to34 age group, being 9% less than that of the youngest age bracket. Besides, more than a half of participants at the age between 35 and 44 use smartphones to enjoy TV programs. doubling the figure for users aged 55-64 at roughly 28%. Meanwhile, the proportion of the 45-to-54 age group watching phone-based television stood at around 50%, making this bracket rank fourth (in popularity) among six given groups.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart
visually
compares the proportion of six distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
brackets, above 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, opting for watching phone-based television.

Overall
, it is noticeable that users
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
18-24 appear to be those enjoying TV via smartphones most
frequently
, whereas the opposite was true for.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
/ the opposite pattern
was witnessed
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
65 and over.

As can
be observed
from the chart, the percentage presenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the 18-24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
is
nearly
four times higher than that of those
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aged
over 65, with the figures standing at 80% and 18%
respectively
. Raking at the second position is the statistic of the 25-to34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, being 9% less than that of the youngest
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age
bracket.

Besides
, more than a half of participants at the
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age
between 35 and 44
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smartphones to enjoy TV programs.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
doubling
the figure for users
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
55-64 at roughly 28%. Meanwhile, the proportion of the 45-to-54
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
watching phone-based television stood at around 50%, making this bracket rank fourth (in popularity) among six
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.

IELTS academic six distinct age brackets, above 18 years old, opting for watching phone-based television.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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