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Shows the number of jobs in tourism related industry in one UK City between 1989 and 2009.

Shows the number of jobs in tourism related industry in one UK City between 1989 and 2009. PLx5j
A glance at the bar graph depicts the information about jobs related to travel industry in UK among the year from 1989 to 2009. Overall, it can be clearly observed that the restaurants were noticed the highly for jobs where is travel and tourism constantly in inclined on over the period. To begin with, for restaurants, 110 job wall in 1989 in what in 1994 8 incline to around 129 as well as in 1994, which reach at 159. Secondly, all time highest job accounted in year 2004, that was 160 but after next year it slightly declined. Indian 1989 and 1994 the job for exactly 870 and 790 for sport and leisure. After that, in 1998 accounted at each position and fall down through the year 2004 and 2009. Moreover, food travel and tourism industries the job for approximately same in year 1989 in 1994 that were at peak position. Lastly, India 2004 and 2009 it reached at exactly 600 and 400 respectively.
A glance at the bar graph depicts the information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
related to travel industry in UK among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
from 1989 to 2009.

Overall
, it can be
clearly
observed that the restaurants
were noticed
the
highly
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
where is travel and tourism
constantly
in inclined on over the period.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, for restaurants, 110
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Possible agreement error. The noun 'wall' seems to be countable, so consider using: "walls".
wall
in 1989 in what in 1994 8
Possible agreement error. The noun 'incline' seems to be countable, so consider using: "inclines".
incline
to around 129
as well
as in 1994, which reach at 159.
Secondly
,
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
accounted in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2004, that was 160
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
it
slightly
declined. Indian 1989 and 1994 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for exactly 870 and 790 for sport and leisure. After that, in 1998 accounted at each position and fall down through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2004 and 2009.
Moreover
, food travel and tourism industries the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for approximately same in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1989 in 1994 that were at peak position.
Lastly
, India 2004 and 2009 it reached at exactly 600 and 400
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Shows the number of jobs in tourism related industry in one UK City between 1989 and 2009.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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