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Shows how young boys and girls listening to music in Japan

Shows how young boys and girls listening to music in Japan 0EY35
The table illustrates how boys and girls listened to music in Tokyo, Japan in the last month, whilst the pie chart reveals a record of an international company about whether people love to listen to live music or recorded music, measured in percentage. From an overall perspective, CDs were the least common way to enjoy music, whereas the others were opposite. Additionally, people would love to listen to live music, rather than recorded one. One of the striking features can be seen is the proportion of CDs, which accounted for the least in both genders, at 19% for male and 22% for female respectively. Although MP3 players witnessed the highest percentage among boys, which was 79%, live music was the most popular among girls with the figure of 44%. Furthermore, listening to music via the Internet occupied a remarkable proportion between males and females, at 55% and 42% respectively. Regarding the pie chart, it is obvious that the number of people who enjoyed live music tremendously outnumber those who loved the recorded music. The proportion of live music made up 70%, whilst that of recorded music was 26%. However, the people who did not know what their preference was contributed only 4%, which was known as the least.
The table illustrates how boys and girls listened to
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music
in Tokyo, Japan in the last month, whilst the pie chart reveals a record of an international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
about whether
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recorded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, measured in percentage. From an
overall
perspective, CDs were the least common way to enjoy
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music
, whereas the others were opposite.
Additionally
,
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people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
rather
than
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recorded
one.

One of the striking features can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
is the proportion of CDs, which accounted for the least in both genders, at 19% for male and 22% for female
respectively
. Although MP3 players witnessed the highest percentage among boys, which was 79%,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was the most popular among girls with the figure of 44%.
Furthermore
, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
via the Internet occupied a remarkable proportion between males and females, at 55% and 42%
respectively
.

Regarding the pie chart, it is obvious that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who enjoyed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
tremendously
outnumber those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recorded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. The proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
made up 70%, whilst that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recorded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was 26%.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who did not know what their preference
was contributed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4%, which
was known
as the least.
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IELTS academic Shows how young boys and girls listening to music in Japan

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
208 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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