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time schoolchildren (10-11 yearrs olds) spend on different home activitives

time schoolchildren (10-11 yearrs olds) spend on different home activitives RRJAY
The given chart illustrates the figure for the hours schoolchildren spend on computer and TV per week from 2000 to present. Looking at the graph, it is immediately evident that the figure for children using computers was an upward tendency, while a relatively consistent decline was seen in the figures for TV. Another noteworthy feature is that the proportion of children using computers registered the highest figures at present. According to the chart, it can be seen that the figure for children watching TV remained stable from 2000 to 2003, at nearly 21 hours, before significantly decreasing. This figure slightly fluctuated between 2004 to present. Such an opposite pattern was ascertained in TV, the proportion of children spending on computers dramatically climbed from 2000 to 2003, at 10 hours. This figure surged and reached the peak at roughly 22 hours at present. (142)
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
schoolchildren spend on computer and TV per week from 2000 to present.

Looking at the graph, it is immediately evident that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using computers was an upward tendency, while a
relatively
consistent decline was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for TV. Another noteworthy feature is that the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using computers registered the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
at present.

According to the chart, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
watching TV remained stable from 2000 to 2003, at
nearly
21
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
significantly
decreasing. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
slightly
fluctuated between 2004 to present.

Such an opposite pattern
was ascertained
in TV, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spending on computers
dramatically
climbed from 2000 to 2003, at 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
surged and reached the peak at roughly 22
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
at present. (142)
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IELTS academic time schoolchildren (10-11 yearrs olds) spend on different home activitives

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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