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Should adventure sport banned or not. share your views

Should adventure sport banned or not. share your views RNR3Q
Adventure sports are those action sports which involves high degree of risk. People tend to perform these activities as they increases metabolism, physical extention and are a bunch of exiting adventure. Sports like Skydiving, Scuba diving, Zorbing, Hang Gliding involves threat to our lives due to being too dangerous hence should a person give more prime to these sports or to his/her own life. On the very first note these sports should be banned from our society as dangerous sports can cause serious injuries to human life and risking a life just for an adventure is just not worth it. Human life is undoubtedly precious and god forbits if a person die while having extreme sports then his family members and relatives will be very disturbed and distressed moreover it is also not good for the society as an earning person or a talented youth has lost his life while playing a stupid sport. Next sports teach us Discipline, morals, values etc for example cricket is a decent sports of discipline which teach us teamwork, sportsman spirit and increases physical fitness. injuries are there in these sports but to increase the person’s skills. Risking our whole career for a sports which provides us nothing is not a best option to spend out time, money and efforts. Further, challenging sports are done by people who like challenges and instead of pushing yourself in a deep pit, we can find different kind of challenges in those sports which do not lead to face danger such as soccer, basketball, table tennis etc. Summing up the information we conclude that all those sports having threat or risk of life should be banned for the society for not following the basic objective of sports and life should not be risked at any cost because it is priceless.
Adventure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are those action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which involves high degree of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
tend to perform these activities as they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "increase"
increases
metabolism, physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
extention
and are a bunch of exiting adventure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
like Skydiving, Scuba diving,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zorbing
, Hang Gliding involves threat to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
due to being too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
hence
should a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
give more prime to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or to his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
note these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be banned
from our society as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can cause serious injuries to human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and risking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for an adventure is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not worth it. Human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
undoubtedly
precious and god
Possible spelling mistake found.
forbits
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
while having extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
then his family members and relatives will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
disturbed and distressed
moreover
it is
also
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the society as an earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
or a talented youth has lost his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
while playing a stupid sport.

Next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
teach us Discipline, morals, values etc
for example
cricket is a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
of discipline which teach us teamwork, sportsman spirit and increases physical fitness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
injuries
are there in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Risking our whole career for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which provides us nothing is not
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best option to spend out time, money and efforts.

Further
, challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are done
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who like challenges and
instead
of pushing yourself in a deep pit, we can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of challenges in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which do not lead to face
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
such as soccer, basketball, table tennis etc.

Summing up the information we conclude that all those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
having threat or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
should
be banned
for the society for not following the basic objective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
should not
be risked
at any cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is priceless.
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IELTS academic Should adventure sport banned or not. share your views

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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