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Schools have a responsibilty to monitor what students eat and amount of exercise they do

Schools have a responsibilty to monitor what students eat and amount of exercise they do VBYdJ
Obesity is becoming a problematic issue in the younger generation of Australia, where approximately 66 percent of them suffer from Obesity. Some people suggest that schools are responsible for the treatment and prevention by monitoring their feed intake and exercise output. This essay will discuss why I completely agree that schools should monitor children by illustrating two reasons. The primary reason is that by counting the amount of food consumed, schools can keep all the student's health on track. By keeping the meal-intake in limit, helps the children to maintain their metabolism and avoids increasing their heaviness. According to recent studies, it has been observed that around 60 percent of the people won't gain weight if have a proper measure of food intake. Therefore, by counting the food-intake schools can play a vital role in balancing their diet and preventing children from not gaining unnecessary fat. Furthermore, the secondary reason is that by counting the amount of energy lost by doing training schools can not only balance the child's load but can also cure them from obesity. Children can see a difference in their body if the number of calories consumed is less than the sum of calories burnt. As per 2016 survey, around 25 percent of the children recovered quickly by following this principle of burning calories through rigorous workout. Ultimately, by tracking the sum of energy spent by children on daily basis schools can prepare Gant charts for children and guide them and cure them from fat-gain. This essay discussed why schools play a prominent role in monitoring the volume of food consumed by a child and exercise output because by doing this, they can help the children to cure from a preventable disease. In my opinion, schools should be eager to take the responsibility of children so that they won't face any health problems in future due to obesity.
Obesity is becoming a problematic issue in the younger generation of Australia, where approximately 66 percent of them suffer from Obesity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are responsible for the treatment and prevention by monitoring their feed intake and exercise output. This essay will discuss why I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should monitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by illustrating two reasons.

The primary reason is that by counting the amount of food consumed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
all the student's health on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
. By keeping the meal-intake in limit,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to maintain their metabolism and avoids increasing their heaviness. According to recent studies, it has
been observed
that around 60 percent of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
won't gain weight if have a proper measure of food intake.
Therefore
, by counting the food-intake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can play a vital role in balancing their diet and preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from not gaining unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.

Furthermore
, the secondary reason is that by counting the amount of energy lost by doing training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
balance the child's load
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
The usual collocation for "cure" is "of" not "them". Did you mean "cure them of"?
cure them from
obesity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a difference in their body if the number of calories consumed is less than the sum of calories burnt. As per 2016 survey, around 25 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
recovered
quickly
by following this principle of burning calories through rigorous workout.
Ultimately
, by tracking the sum of energy spent by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on daily basis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can prepare
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gant
charts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and guide them and
The usual collocation for "cure" is "of" not "them". Did you mean "cure them of"?
cure them from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
-gain.

This essay discussed why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play a prominent role in monitoring the volume of food consumed by a child and exercise output
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by doing this, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
The usual collocation for "cure" is "of" not "". Did you mean "cure of"?
cure from
a preventable disease. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should be eager to take the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they won't face any health problems in future due to obesity.

IELTS academic Schools have a responsibilty to monitor what students eat and amount of exercise they do

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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