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Rockingham transportation mode comparison

Rockingham transportation mode comparison qJAX

In 2005, the pie chart pictures the largest percentage of the commuting method by workers was to drive a car by themselves at 50%. The next following major options besides driving a car alone were to join in communal transportation such as carpool and bus of 25% and 15%. The least options got some percentage at 5% were by foot and bicycle. There was a distinguishable percentage in 2015, in which Rockingham workers who preferred car and carpool as transportation mode dropped to 35% and 20%. However, there was a growing trend in bicycle and at-home workers numbers for 5% both. While the bus transportation percentage had no changes.

In 2005, the pie chart pictures the largest You use this word too often, consider replacing it withfeeratiobonusproportionchunkrate
percentage
 of the commuting method by workers was to drive a car by themselves at 50%. The next
 following major options besides
 driving a car alone were to This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :consolidatefuse
join
 in communal transportation such as carpool and bus of 25% and 15%. The least options This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquired
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withfeeratiobonusproportionchunkrate
percentage
 at 5% were by foot and bicycle.

There was a distinguishable You use this word too often, consider replacing it withfeeratiobonusproportionchunkrate
percentage
 in 2015, in which Rockingham workers who preferred car and carpool as transportation mode dropped to 35% and 20%. However
, there was a growing trend in bicycle and at-home workers numbers for 5% both. “While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
 the bus transportation You use this word too often, consider replacing it withfeeratiobonusproportionchunkrate
percentage
 had no This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :altersadjusts
changes
. 

IELTS academic Rockingham transportation mode comparison

Academic

American English

2 paragraphs

109 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
?
Include an introduction and conclusion
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Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.0

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.5

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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