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regular physical activity in australian male and female

the bar chart illustrates the percentage of exercising in Australian female and male in 2010 according to age group. In the male group, the highest percentage is in the 15 to 24 group which was 52. 8 percent. The rate of exercise gradually decreased in 25 to34 and 35 to 44 group Which reached the lowest point about 39. 5 percent. After that, the rate of exercise in male increased when they were older. In female, The rate of physical activity gradually increased from 47. 7 to 53. 3 in woman under 54 years then the rate decreased in older group compare men to women group, There was the only male in 15 to 24 who work out more than female in the same age group. In conclusion, The rate of exercise in the Australian population was about 39. 5- 53. 3 percent. Female showed more physical activity than male except in 15 to 24 age group.
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the
bar chart illustrates the percentage of exercising in Australian
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female
and male in 2010 according to age
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group
. In the male
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group
, the highest percentage is in the 15 to 24
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group
which was 52. 8 percent. The
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rate
of exercise
gradually
decreased in 25 to34 and 35 to 44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
Which reached the lowest point about 39. 5 percent. After that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of exercise in male increased when they were older. In
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female
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of physical activity
gradually
increased from 47. 7 to 53. 3 in woman under 54 years then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
decreased in older
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group
compare
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to women
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group
, There was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
male in 15 to 24 who work out more than
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female
in the same age
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group
.
In conclusion
, The
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rate
of exercise in the Australian population was about 39.
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5- 53
. 3 percent.
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Female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
more physical activity than male except in 15 to 24 age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
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IELTS academic regular physical activity in australian male and female

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
157 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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