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Rates of smoking per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 to 2000

Rates of smoking per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 to 2000 mW9rO
The graph shows the changing level of smoking per 1, 000 people by gender which are male and female in Southland over a 40-year period. Generally speaking, rates of smoking decreased in the levels of male, and a more in levelling off from female who was the rates were increasing in prior to these. Looking first at declining rates smoked by male from 1960 -2000, it can be seen that levels declined dramatically. To be more exact, male rates fell down approximately 350 people. Combined with these smoking by female levels, while rising throughout from 1970 – 1975, the five year of a period, reduced in the final 20 years. More precisely, compared the highest rate in 1975 to the lowest rate in 1960, these were roughly 300 and 100 people, respectively. In conclusion, the level of smoking by male in Southland declined almost a similar rate by female around 200 – 250 people in 2000.
The graph
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shows
the changing
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level
of
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smoking
per 1, 000
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people
by gender which are male and
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female
in Southland over a 40-year period.

Generally
speaking,
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rates
of
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smoking
decreased in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of male, and a more in levelling off from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
who was the
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rates
were increasing in prior to these.

Looking
first
at declining
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rates
smoked by male from 1960 -2000, it can be
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seen
that
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levels
declined
dramatically
. To be more exact, male
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rates
fell down approximately 350
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people
.

Combined with these
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smoking
by
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female
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levels
, while rising throughout
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 1970 to 1975"?
from 1970 – 1975
, the five year of a period,
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reduced
in the final 20 years. More
precisely
, compared the highest
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rate
in 1975 to the lowest
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rate
in 1960, these were roughly 300 and 100
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
respectively
.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
by male in Southland declined almost a similar
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rate
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
around 200 – 250
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2000.
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IELTS academic Rates of smoking per 1000 people in Southland from 1960 to 2000

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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