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Rates in smoking between 1960 and 2000 in someland

Rates in smoking between 1960 and 2000 in someland ORqgd
The presented line graph demonstrates the rates of smoking in both men and women in Someland per 1000 people from 1960 to 2000. Overall it can be seen that men smoked more than women during that period. We can see that in 1969 the number of female smokers stood at about 100 per 1000 and climbed to just over 300 in 1975, on the other hand the number of male smokers initially started from 600 per 1000 and dropped off to roughly 500 in the same spam of time. Between 1975 and 2000 the rate of men smokers continued to decrease gradually in the same manner the rate of women smokers reduced reaching well-over 200 people per 1000. In conclusion, the line graph reveals that the rate of smoking in women increased then decreased moderately however the rate in men went down steadily, moreover female smokers were fewer than male smokers.
The presented line graph demonstrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of smoking in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
per 1000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from 1960 to 2000.
Overall
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
smoked more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
during that period.

We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that in 1969 the number of female smokers stood at about 100 per 1000 and climbed to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 300 in 1975,
on the other hand
the number of male smokers
initially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 600 to 1000"?
from 600 per 1000
and dropped off to roughly 500 in the same spam of time. Between 1975 and 2000 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
smokers continued to decrease
gradually
in the same manner the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
smokers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
reaching well-over 200
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
per 1000.

In conclusion
, the line graph reveals that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of smoking in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
increased then decreased
moderately
however
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
went down
steadily
,
moreover
female smokers were fewer than male smokers.

IELTS academic Rates in smoking between 1960 and 2000 in someland

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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