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rate of people who were employed by public

rate of people who were employed by public gbQyg
The graph highlights data about the rate of people who were employed by public, private and self-employed sectors in the UK, over a ten year period. Overall, there were considerable upward trends in the employment of both public and self-employed sectors, whereas the percentage of private sector illustrated a significant decline over the period in question. Looking at the details, as regards public sector, the proportion started at nearly 40% in 2000 and maintained at the same level until 2002. Following this, the rate increased gradually between 2002 and 2005 and it reached at just under 50%. Next, despite dropping sharply to about 45% in 2006, the rate of employment in 2007-2010 demonstrated a constant rise and it peaked at just over 50% which meant that it had the highest percentage of three sectors in that year. With respect to the self-employed sector, the proportion of employment started at approximately 20% in 2000, then the figure possessed a fluctuation in the first half of the decade. After that, the proportion went up gradually to 30% between 2005 and 2008 and then leveled off for the next year. By contrast, the percentage of employment by private sector went in the opposite direction. There was a steady drop from just under 50% to 20%, besides 2002-2003. It meant that it had the lowest rate among three sectors.
The graph highlights data about the
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rate
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
were employed
by public, private and self-employed
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sectors
in the UK, over a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "ten-year"
ten year
period.
Overall
, there were considerable upward trends in the
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employment
of both public and self-employed
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sectors
, whereas the percentage of private
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sector
illustrated a significant decline over the period in question.

Looking at the
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details
, as regards public
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sector
, the proportion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at
nearly
40% in 2000 and maintained at the same level until 2002. Following this, the
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rate
increased
gradually
between 2002 and 2005 and it reached at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 50%.
Next
, despite dropping
sharply
to about 45% in 2006, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
in 2007-2010 demonstrated a constant rise and it peaked at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 50% which meant that it had the highest percentage of three
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sectors
in that year.

With respect to the self-employed
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sector
, the proportion of
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employment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at approximately 20% in 2000, then the figure possessed a fluctuation in the
first
half of the decade. After that, the proportion went up
gradually
to 30% between 2005 and 2008 and then leveled off for the
next
year.

By contrast, the percentage of
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employment
by private
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sector
went in the opposite direction. There was a steady drop from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 50% to 20%,
besides
2002-2003. It meant that it had the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
among three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
.
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IELTS academic rate of people who were employed by public

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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