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rainfall in australia during the year

rainfall in australia during the year YR9V5
The bar graph illustrates the amount of rain in each month in Australia in last year, while the line graph indicates the average anount of raining in every month in last 40 years. Overall, in most timings, the quantitiy of rainfall of the last year was less than that of the averages in past four decades, although their transformation of the amount was resembles Firs of all, these graphs had similar trends: they recorded the highest amount in January and had down trends for around eight month, following increases. However, there were only four months the amount of the last year overtook the standard amount during the last four decades. March, May, June and November. The last year’s rainfall in May was slightly less than 40mm and exceeded the normal amount for the last 40 years, almost 30mm. On the other hand, the fourty-years average amount of the rainfall in October was approximately 30 mm, which was three times as large as the whole amount of the last year in the same timing, about 10mm. (167) The pie charts below show the amount of electricity generated by energy source in Scotland for 20 years ago and last year. : source The pie charts compared the percentages of energy sorce of generating electricity in Scotland for 20 years ago with that of last year. Overall, most sources reduced their proportions throughout the two decades. In 20 years ago, coal was the main source of electricity and accounted for 41. 4%, following gas and nuclear, 22. 3% in the former and 19. 6% in the latter. Other resources, such as Hydro natural flow, Hydro pumped storage, oil and other renewables, had less than 10% ratio only. Turning to the last year, there were various trasformations in sorces of electricity. The percentage of coal largely decreased to 32. 7%, although it still had the largest occupaion. There were moderate reduces in the relative size of Gas, hydro pumped storage and hydro natural flow, too. However, Nuclear significantly increased the relative number to 26. 4%. The proportion of oil and other renewal sources also grew almost twice, whilst they were still
The bar graph illustrates the
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amount
of rain in each
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month
in Australia in last
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year
, while the line graph indicates the average
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anount
of raining in every
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month
in last 40 years.
Overall
, in most timings, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
quantitiy
of rainfall of the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
was less than that of the averages in past four decades, although their transformation of the
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amount
was resembles

Firs of all, these graphs had similar trends: they recorded the highest
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amount
in January and had down trends for around eight
Possible agreement error. The noun 'month' seems to be countable, so consider using: "months".
month
, following increases.
However
, there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
four
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months
the
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amount
of the last
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year
overtook the standard
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amount
during the last four decades. March, May, June and November. The last
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year’s
rainfall in May was
slightly
less than
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "40 mm"
40mm
and exceeded the normal
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amount
for the last 40 years, almost
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "30 mm"
30mm
. On the
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other
hand, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
fourty-years
average
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amount
of the rainfall in October was approximately 30 mm, which was three times as large as the whole
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amount
of the last
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year
in the same timing, about
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "10 mm"
10mm
. (167)

The pie charts below
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show
the
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amount
of
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electricity
generated by energy
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source
in Scotland for 20 years ago and last
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year
.
Loose punctuation mark.
:


source

The pie charts compared the percentages of energy
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sorce
of generating
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electricity
in Scotland for 20 years ago with that of last
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year
.
Overall
, most
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sources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
their proportions throughout the two decades.

In 20 years ago, coal was the main
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source
of
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electricity
and accounted for 41. 4%, following gas and nuclear, 22. 3% in the former and 19. 6% in the latter.
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Other
resources, such as Hydro natural flow, Hydro pumped storage, oil and
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other
renewables, had less than 10% ratio
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

Turning to the last
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year
, there were various
Possible spelling mistake found.
trasformations
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
sorces
of
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electricity
. The percentage of coal
largely
decreased to 32. 7%, although it
still
had the largest
Possible spelling mistake found.
occupaion
. There were moderate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
in the relative size of Gas, hydro pumped storage and hydro natural flow, too.
However
, Nuclear
significantly
increased the relative number to 26. 4%. The proportion of oil and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
renewal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
also
grew almost twice, whilst they were
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still
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IELTS academic rainfall in australia during the year

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
356 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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