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proportion of people aged 65 and over

proportion of people aged 65 and over 8LOWx
The graph illustrates the proportion of people aged 65 and over for three different countries in time range of 1940 to 2040. proportion of population aged 65 and over is higher in 2040 than the in 1940 for all the three countries but this change is not strictly increasing. The graph is flacuating for all three countries and behaviour is diffrent as well. In 1940 USA has the highest proportion while in 2040 japan will have the highest proportion. There is steep increasing curver from around 2030 to 2040 for all three countries. The USA has the highest proportion of elder people aged 65 and over. Proportion shows merely increment in period 1940 to 1960 by just 1 or 2%. Then it increases by around 5% in period 1960 to 1980. Then after it show some decrease till 2020 and afterwards it will strictly increase till 2040. The swaden proportion of elder population lies between the USA and the Japan in 1940. In around 2020 it overtake the USA. The Japan proportion is lowest in 1940 but will overtake the swaden and USA in around 2030.
The graph illustrates the
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proportion
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged 65 and over for three
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different
countries in time range of 1940 to 2040.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
proportion
of population aged 65 and over is higher in 2040 than the in 1940 for all the three countries
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but
this
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change
is not
strictly
increasing. The graph is
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flacuating
for all three countries and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
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diffrent
as well
. In 1940 USA has the highest
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proportion
while in 2040
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japan
will have the highest
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proportion
. There is steep increasing
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curver
from
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around
2030 to 2040 for all three countries.

The USA has the highest
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proportion
of elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged 65 and over.
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Proportion
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shows
merely
increment in period 1940 to 1960 by
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just
1 or 2%. Then it increases by
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around
5% in period 1960 to 1980. Then after it
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show
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some
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decrease
till 2020 and afterwards it will
strictly
increase till 2040.

The
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swaden
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proportion
of elder population lies between the USA and the Japan in 1940. In
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around
2020 it
Did you mean "overtakes"?
overtake
the USA. The Japan
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proportion
is lowest in 1940
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but
will overtake the
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swaden
and USA in
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around
2030.
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IELTS academic proportion of people aged 65 and over

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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