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preferences by media type and the bar chart gives information

preferences by media type and the bar chart gives information WqM65
The supplied charts illustrate some preferences of entertainment and their popularity among adolescents at the age of 13 to 17 years old. In general, it can be observed that TV and the Internet have the highest percentage compared to other media types. However, there is a slight difference in teenagers’ interests, indeed, they are mostly keen on watching TV and listening to music on the radio. Looking at the graphs in more detail, regarding providing the greatest experience, 46% prefered TV, whereas only 3% chose magazines, newspapers and radio. Thus, in the 13-17 group, television was by far the most popular means of entertainment in contrast to the magazine and newspaper. At having the most information, there was not a wide discrepancy in the percentage of different media types. Moving on to entertainment which provides the nicest pleasure, there was 49% chose the Internet, which was 24, 5 times higher than the radio. However, among adolescents, radio accounted for approximately 80%, whereas the corresponding percentage for the Internet was slightly lower, at 60%. Due to its great experience, it is unsurprisingly that television is the first choice for anyone to enjoy, while magazines had the lowest percentages compared to all media types. Last but not least, when comparing to the use of each means of entertainment, the percentage of people choosing television remained the highest, just ahead of the Internet.
The supplied charts illustrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
preferences of entertainment and their popularity among adolescents at the age of 13 to 17 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

In general
, it can
be observed
that TV and the Internet have the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
compared to other media types.
However
, there is a slight difference in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’ interests,
indeed
, they are
mostly
keen on watching TV and listening to music on the radio.

Looking at the graphs in more detail, regarding providing the greatest experience, 46%
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
TV, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% chose magazines, newspapers and radio.
Thus
, in the 13-17 group, television was by far the most popular means of entertainment
in contrast
to the magazine and newspaper. At having the most information, there was not a wide discrepancy in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
media types. Moving on to entertainment which provides the nicest pleasure, there was 49% chose the Internet, which was 24, 5 times higher than the radio.
However
, among adolescents, radio accounted for approximately 80%, whereas the corresponding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
for the Internet was
slightly
lower, at 60%. Due to its great experience, it is
unsurprisingly
that television is the
first
choice for anyone to enjoy, while magazines had the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
compared to all media types. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, when comparing to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of each means of entertainment, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choosing television remained the highest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
ahead of the Internet.
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IELTS academic preferences by media type and the bar chart gives information

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
230 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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