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Post secondary qualification in Austrailia based on gender

Post secondary qualification in Austrailia based on gender nV0RP
Post-secondary qualification in Australia, according to gender, is illustrated in the graph as percentage values in 1999. As the graph shows, except for skilled vocational diploma, distribution of males and females in different education levels are not intensively biased though it's not fairly distributed for genders unless for the bachelor's degree. Girls have been more likely to pursue undergraduate diploma and bachelor's degree, 70% and 55%, whereas men have been more interested to continue postgraduate education (70% and 60%) Dramatic proportion difference which is appeared in the skilled diploma shows the males' figure in this level were almost 10 times the number of female pupils which can be considered as totally biased situation comparing genders. Participation of students in different levels of post-school education in Australia were noticeably depending on individual's gender, except for bachelor's degree which shows nearly the same proportion for girls and boys
Post-secondary qualification in Australia, according to gender,
is illustrated
in the graph as percentage values in 1999.

As the graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
skilled vocational diploma, distribution of males and females in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
education levels are not
intensively
biased though it's not
fairly
distributed for genders unless for the bachelor's degree.

Girls have been more likely to pursue undergraduate diploma and bachelor's degree, 70% and 55%, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
have been more interested to continue postgraduate education (70% and 60%)

Dramatic proportion difference which
is appeared
in the skilled diploma
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the males' figure in this level were almost 10 times the number of female pupils which can
be considered
as
totally
biased situation comparing genders.

Participation of students in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels of post-school education in Australia were
noticeably
depending on individual's gender,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
bachelor's degree which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
nearly
the same proportion for girls and boys
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IELTS academic Post secondary qualification in Austrailia based on gender

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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