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Line graph Birth Rates In China and the USA

Line graph Birth Rates In China and the USA 9Q8rW
*A glance at the graph provided differences in the fertility of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Both countries had the peak in 1950 and then dramatically fell off. * *Firstly, it is evident that the birth rate of China fluctuated between 1920 and 1930. Then it sharply rose at 15 percent in 1935 and dramatically decreased to 5 percent in 1940. A short period of stability started from 1940 to 1945. After that, the fertility growth was a peak at 20 percent in 1950 and then, again, fell rapidly about 11 percent in 1955. Finally, it decreased gradually to about 2 percent and remained at this level until 2000. * *Meanwhile, the birth rates in the USA fluctuated at more than 10 percent from 1920 to 1940. Then, it fell sharply to 5 percent in 1945 and enormously rose to the peak at 15 percent in 1950. Since 1950, fertility gradually dipped until more than 5 percent in 2000. * *It is interesting to note that, although the two countries followed the same trends, the gap between the USA and China was widened since China slid away in 1950. *Line graph
*A glance at the graph provided differences in the fertility of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Both countries had the peak in 1950 and then
dramatically
fell off. *

*
Firstly
, it is evident that the birth rate of China fluctuated between 1920 and 1930. Then it
sharply
rose at 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1935 and
dramatically
decreased to 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1940. A short period of stability
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 1940 to 1945. After that, the fertility growth was a peak at 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1950 and then, again, fell
rapidly
about 11
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1955.
Finally
, it decreased
gradually
to about 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and remained at this level until 2000. *

*Meanwhile, the birth rates in the USA fluctuated at more than 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
from 1920 to 1940. Then, it fell
sharply
to 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1945 and
enormously
rose to the peak at 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1950. Since 1950, fertility
gradually
dipped until more than 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2000. *

*It is interesting to note that, although the two countries followed the same trends, the gap between the USA and China
was widened
since China slid away in 1950. *Line graph
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IELTS academic Line graph Birth Rates In China and the USA

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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