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Pie chat on pollutants into ocean

Pie chat on pollutants into ocean 2lDLA
The two pie charts illustrate the information in percentage of pollutants getting into a specific part of the ocean in the years 1997 and 2007. Overall, at the beginning of the period, litter and farm waste were the least pollutants however, those from the air were most significant. In comparison, at the end of the period domestic sewage and pollutants from air became the largest segment and the least and none by farm waste and litter respectively. Domestic sewage accounted for 18% of ocean pollution in 1997 with a significant rise of 29% in 2007. Offshore oil was 5% in 1997 and experienced amore than double increase to 14% in 2007. Pollutants from marine fell by 5% while industrial waste reduced by almost asimilar figure of 8% in 2007. Farm waste reduced drastically by half in 2007. Pollutants from air had the least fallen rate of 1% however, litter was completely abolished.
The two pie charts illustrate the information in percentage of
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pollutants
getting into a

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specific
part of the ocean in the years 1997 and 2007.

Overall
, at the beginning of the period, litter and farm
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waste
were the least
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pollutants
however
, those from the air were most significant.
In comparison
, at the
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end
of the period domestic sewage and
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pollutants
from air became the largest segment and the least and none by farm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
and litter
respectively
.

Domestic sewage accounted for 18% of ocean pollution in 1997 with a significant rise of 29% in 2007. Offshore oil was 5% in 1997 and experienced
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amore
than double increase to 14% in
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2007. Pollutants
from marine fell by 5% while industrial
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waste
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by almost
Possible spelling mistake found.
asimilar
figure of 8% in 2007. Farm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
drastically
by half in 2007.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pollutants
from air had the least fallen rate of 1%
however
, litter was completely abolished.
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IELTS academic Pie chat on pollutants into ocean

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
152 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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