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Pie charts illustrated projections for global production

Pie charts illustrated projections for global production yD33g
The pie charts demonstrate different projections for world production by area between 2040 and 2060. First, services and manufacturing spend big percentage pair of charts. However, the both of sector will not change dramatically. On the other hand services and manufacturing increase %1-%2. In addition, Agriculture and energy gone down suddenly. In 2040 respectively %4 and %7. These two sectors have anomalies. Because of the, all different type of sectors gone up, only these two area gone down. Furthermore, materials and info-com technology grow slightly, the differences are minimum percentage. Overall, all different type of sectors rose slightly except agriculture and energy. Moreover, energy fall by %7 to %5. Agriculture fall by %4 to %1. Services and manufacturing are highest level of charts in 2060. ( Respectively %41 and %33. ) To be sure, these sectors possess totally %77. Agriculture is the same as info-com technology, the two area lowest level of the chart.
The pie
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charts
demonstrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
projections for world production by area between 2040 and 2060.
First
, services and manufacturing spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
percentage pair of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
.
However
, the both of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
dramatically
.
On the other hand
services and manufacturing increase %1-%2.

In addition
,
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Agriculture
and energy gone down
suddenly
. In 2040
respectively
%4 and %7. These two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
have anomalies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the,
all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
gone up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
these two area gone down.
Furthermore
, materials and info-com technology grow
slightly
, the differences are minimum percentage.

Overall
, all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
rose
slightly
except
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
and energy.
Moreover
, energy fall by %7 to %5.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Agriculture
fall by %4 to %1. Services and manufacturing are
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
in 2060.
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
Respectively
%41 and %33.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
To be sure, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
possess
totally
%77.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Agriculture
is the same as info-com technology, the two area
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
level of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
.
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IELTS academic Pie charts illustrated projections for global production

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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