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Pie chart depect australia and germany travellers

Pie chart depect australia and germany travellers 15nOX
To begin with, 12% visitors of USA came to Australia and 25% in Germany. In both countries the ratio of tourism of Asia 10%. More people of Britain went to Australia as compared to Germany 53%. Europe visitors came to Australia while 45% travellers came to Germany. Furthermore, 20% Britian citizen came in Australia whereas the ratio decreased to 6% in Germany in 2010. The percentage of Asia dwellers was increased in Australia while it reduced in Germany and 7% in Australia. Europe inhabitants increased 40% in Germany and decreased in 10% in Australia. Overall, Asiapeople percentage of Asia's people increased in Australia and Britain back packer ratio decreased in 2010.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, 12% visitors
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
to Australia and 25% in Germany. In both countries the ratio of tourism of Asia 10%. More
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of Britain went to Australia as compared to Germany 53%.
The genitive is possibly missing.
Europe visitors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
to Australia while 45%
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
to Germany.
Furthermore
, 20%
Possible spelling mistake found.
Britian
citizen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
in Australia whereas the ratio decreased to 6% in Germany in 2010. The percentage of Asia dwellers
was increased
in Australia while it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in Germany and 7% in Australia.
The genitive is possibly missing.
Europe inhabitants
increased 40% in Germany and decreased in 10% in Australia.
Overall
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Asiapeople
percentage of Asia's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
increased in Australia and Britain back packer ratio decreased in 2010.
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IELTS academic Pie chart depect australia and germany travellers

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
111 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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