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Pie char about spending of Australian and Japan teenagers in 2019

Pie char about spending of Australian and Japan teenagers in 2019 nqgn
The pie charts provides information about the money spending habits of Australian and Japan teenagers in 2019. Overall, teens in Japan prefers to buy computer games while in Australia they spend more on food. In Japan, video games dominated the spending of a teenager with 37% of their money is spent on it. Furthermore, the next biggest cost came from buying meals where it accounted for 22% of their budget. Meanwhile in Australia, the reverse happened, the purchase of food took more than a third of the budget at 37%, while 22% is spent on games. Other necessities and clothes accounted for 8% and 25% of their overall purchase. Similar with Japan, books took the smallest proportion of their spending with just 8% spent by Australians teens and 9% spent by Japanese teenagers.
The pie charts provides information about the money spending habits of Australian and
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Japan
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teenagers
in 2019.

Overall
, teens in
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Japan
prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
computer games while in Australia they spend more on food.

In
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Japan
, video games dominated the spending of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
with 37% of their money is
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spent
on it.
Furthermore
, the
next
biggest cost came from buying meals where it accounted for 22% of their budget.

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Meanwhile
in Australia, the reverse happened, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of food took more than a third of the budget at 37%, while 22% is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on games. Other necessities and clothes accounted for 8% and 25% of their
overall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. Similar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, books took the smallest proportion of their spending with
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just
8%
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spent
by Australians teens and 9%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
by Japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
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IELTS academic Pie char about spending of Australian and Japan teenagers in 2019

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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