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Physical Activity Comparison for Male & Female in Australia

Physical Activity Comparison for Male & Female in Australia El6Ox
The data presented in the mentioned bar chart illustrates the percentage of regular physical activity by Australian men and women in varied age groups. The research was conducted to analyze the regular physical activity trend of men and women in different age groups in Australia. The result of the study came out very much contradictory to the general expectations for males because a normal expectation is that the physical activity of males will be least in the highest age group i. e. 65 and over, however it was observed that physical activity for males was least in 35 to 44 age group. One prime reason for this trend could be that males are too engrossed in building their carriers in 35 to 44 age and hence are left with minimum time for any physical activities. On the other hand, the result for females was more or less as per the normal expectation i. e. their physical activity was observed to be minimum in 65 and over age group and maximum in 35 to 64 age group. The reason behind this trend could be that females want to defeat the aging indicators like wrinkles and sagging body etc. by maintaining proper health routine.
The data presented in the mentioned bar chart illustrates the percentage of regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
by Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in varied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.

The research
was conducted
to analyze the regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
trend of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
in Australia.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
result of the study came out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much contradictory to the general expectations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a normal expectation is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
will be least in the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
65 and over,
however
it
was observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
was least in 35 to 44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. One prime reason for this trend could be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
are too engrossed in building their carriers in 35 to 44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
hence
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with minimum time for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.

On the other hand
, the result for females was more or less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
per the normal expectation
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
was observed
to be minimum in 65 and over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and maximum in 35 to 64
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. The reason behind this trend could be that females want to defeat the aging indicators like wrinkles and sagging body etc. by maintaining proper health routine.

IELTS academic Physical Activity Comparison for Male & Female in Australia

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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