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Percentage participation of women in senior management positions

Percentage participation of women in senior management positions gD5RD
The table illustrates how the proportion of women joining senior management in three companies changed from 1975 to 2015. Overall, it can be seen that the figure for women participating in senior management in almost all companies fluctuated with an upward trend except for Finsbury Ltd. In addition, all companies made up the largest percentage of women in the period from 1990 to 2015. Finsbury Ltd owned the largest proportion of women at 16%, while those of Eldan Ltd and Bamforth Ltd were lower at 3% and 9% respectively at the beginning of the period. As for Eldan Ltd and Bamforth Ltd, the figure for women participating in Eldan Ltd increased slightly to 14% in 1980 and then this figure witnessed a dramatic rise to 64% at the end of the period. Meanwhile, a gradual jump by 2% each year until 2000 was recorded in the data of Bamforth Ltd. In the final year, there was a noticeable growth to 46% in the data of Bamforth company. Regarding Finsbury Ltd, the percentage of women who joined this company jumped slowly to around 15% in the 1980s before it grew moderately to 22% in 1990 and peaked at 26% in the final year.
The table illustrates how the proportion of
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women
joining senior management in three
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companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from 1975 to 2015.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the figure for
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women
participating in senior management in almost all
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companies
fluctuated with an upward trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
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Finsbury
Ltd.
In addition
, all
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companies
made up the largest percentage of
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women
in the period from 1990 to 2015.

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Finsbury
Ltd
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owned
the largest proportion of
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women
at 16%, while those of
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Eldan
Ltd and
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Bamforth
Ltd
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
lower at 3% and 9%
respectively
at the beginning of the period. As for
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Eldan
Ltd and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bamforth
Ltd, the figure for
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women
participating in
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Eldan
Ltd increased
slightly
to 14% in 1980 and then this figure witnessed a dramatic rise to 64% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period. Meanwhile, a gradual jump by 2% each year until 2000
was recorded
in the data of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bamforth
Ltd. In the final year, there was a noticeable growth to 46% in the data of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bamforth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Regarding
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Finsbury
Ltd, the percentage of
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women
who
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joined
this
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company
jumped
slowly
to around 15% in the 1980s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it grew
moderately
to 22% in 1990 and peaked at 26% in the final year.
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IELTS academic Percentage participation of women in senior management positions

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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