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Percentage of song sales done by a method

Percentage of song sales done by a method PLNgK
The rendered line graph depicts information regarding the proportion of whole melody vending by a particular technique. Overall, it is evident that the ratio of Streams trading followed the upward trend. Whilst, opposite trend observed in the case of downloads and cds purchased. At a fleeting glance, it is immensely clear that initiating at approximately 60% of the sales were carried out by the CDs purchased in the very first year which was followed by the downloads as well as streams with almost 35% and 5%, respectively. In 2012, the proportion of cds sales diminished to the 50%, it hit the bottom in the eventual year with exactly a fifth. Furthermore, downloads percentage was hovering in between 40% and 50% within 2014 and 2015. In the mid of 2014, the trading of downloads commenced following the declining trend, it accounted for 30% in the last year. Whole, streams sales witnessed the huge rise in the given time period, which was at the crest in first six years and bisects the both downloads and cds sales after 2016 and recorded to be at the peak over 40% in 2018.
The rendered line graph depicts information regarding the proportion of whole melody vending by a particular technique.
Overall
, it is evident that the ratio of Streams trading followed the upward trend. Whilst, opposite trend observed in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
. At a fleeting glance, it is
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that initiating at approximately 60% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were carried
out by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
which
was followed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
as well
as streams with almost 35% and 5%,
respectively
. In 2012, the proportion of
Possible spelling mistake found.
cds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
diminished to the 50%, it hit the bottom in the eventual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
with exactly a fifth.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
percentage was hovering in between 40% and 50% within 2014 and 2015. In the mid of 2014, the trading of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
commenced following the declining trend, it accounted for 30% in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Whole, streams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
witnessed the huge rise in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period, which was at the crest in
first
six years and bisects the both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
after 2016 and recorded to be at the peak over 40% in 2018.
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IELTS academic Percentage of song sales done by a method

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
188 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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