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percentage of music sales by methods - cds, streams and downloads

percentage of music sales by methods - cds, streams and downloads wMaKn
The graph illustrates total music sales by three different methods namely, CDs, downloads and streams over the span of 8 years. Overall, it can be observed, streams are on a rise whereas CDs purchases took a dip. While, downloads similar to streams see an upward trend. According to the line graph, the years 2011 -2014 show a gradual increase in streams (5% to 20%) whereas purchases of CDs plunged from 55% to 35%. Moreover, it was observed that consumers prefer streams in comparison to CDs as they show an upward trend and a fall respectively over the next four years (2015 - 2018). On the other hand, downloads show a steady rise of 20% from 2011 - 2014. It reaches a zenith(45%) in mid 2013 and then stagnates over the years (2014 - 2018). It reaches a nadir at around 30% sales.
The graph illustrates total music sales by three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods
namely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
, downloads and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
over the span of 8 years.
Overall
, it can
be observed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
are on a rise whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
took a dip.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, downloads similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an upward trend. According to the line graph, the years 2011 -2014
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a gradual increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
(5% to 20%) whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
plunged from 55% to 35%.
Moreover
, it
was observed
that consumers prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
in comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an upward trend and a fall
respectively
over the
next
four years (
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
2015 - 2018
).

On the other hand
, downloads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a steady rise of 20%
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 2011 to 2014"?
from 2011 - 2014
. It reaches a zenith(45%) in mid 2013 and then stagnates over the years (
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
2014 - 2018
). It reaches a nadir at around 30% sales.
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IELTS academic percentage of music sales by methods - cds, streams and downloads

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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