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Percantage of music sales by methods

Percantage of music sales by methods 6KdlG
The graph illustrates total music sales by three different method namely, CDs, downloads and streams over the span of 8 years, Overall, it can be observed, streams are on a rise whereas CD's purchased took a dip. While downloads similar to CDs sees a downward trend. It is apparent that in 2011, there has been a difference of 50% in sales of CDs and streams. The CDs purchased by consumers was 55% whereas streams just had 5% of sales. However, as time passed, it is observed that consumers preferred listening to music through streams as compared to CDs. Downloads, on the other hand, shows a steady rise from 2014. -2014. It reached ta Zenith in mid 2013 and then stagnates over the four years (2014-2018). It reaches its nadir at around 30 % sales.
The graph illustrates total music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
by three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
method
namely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
, downloads and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
over the span of 8 years,
Overall
, it can
be observed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
are on a rise whereas
Consider using the plural form here: "CDs".
CD's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
took a dip.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
downloads similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
a downward trend.

It is apparent that in 2011, there has been a difference of 50% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by consumers was 55% whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
had 5% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
However
, as time passed, it
is observed
that consumers preferred listening to music through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
as compared to CDs.

Downloads,
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a steady rise from 2014. -2014. It reached ta Zenith in mid 2013 and then stagnates over the four years (2014-2018). It reaches its nadir at around 30 %
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
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IELTS academic Percantage of music sales by methods

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
134 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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