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Percentage of food budget spent on restaurants meals and home cooking.

Percentage of food budget spent on restaurants meals and home cooking. G6Ye
The pie chart below illustrates, the information about the expenses of family average money which they had spent in restaurant for meals in past years and The graph below indicates, the total number of meals which were eaten in fast food restaurants and sit-down restaurants Between (1970, 1980, 1990, and 2000). Overall, the most popular food was home cooking in 1970 people used to prefer home cooking by themselves rather than ordering or dinning food at restaurants. Whereas, in 2000 people consumed restaurants meals more than home cooking. At second hand, the fast food meals were more popular meals among the peoples throughout the whole time period. On the first hand, in 1970 most of the people preferred eating meals by cooking themselves where only 10% of people were interested in restaurants foods. Moreover, in 1980 and 1990 only 15% and 35% people were interested in dinning or taking away restaurants meals and the 75% percent people still used to prefer home cooking. Whereas, 50% of people with highest ratio were interested in restaurant meals in 2000. In the line graph, we can observe that in 1970, the fast foods and sit-down restaurant meals were kept increasing 20% above. In 1980 it steadily started increasing and reached at the point of 55% by 1990. Whereas, sit-down restaurants slowly increased at 40% by 2000 and side by side fast food meals reached at the highest peak point of almost 80% number of meals per year.
The pie chart below illustrates, the information about the expenses of family average money which they had spent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
in past years and The graph below indicates, the total number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
which
were eaten
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
and sit-down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
Between (1970, 1980, 1990, and 2000).

Overall
, the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
was home cooking in 1970
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to prefer home cooking by themselves
rather
than ordering or dinning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, in 2000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
more than home cooking. At second hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
were more popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
throughout the whole time period.

On the
first
hand, in 1970 most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
by cooking themselves where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Moreover
, in 1980 and 1990
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15% and 35%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were interested
in dinning or taking away
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
and the 75% percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to prefer home cooking.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
ratio
were interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
in 2000.

In the line graph, we can observe that in 1970, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and sit-down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
increasing 20% above. In
The comma is probably missing here: "1980, it".
1980 it
steadily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
increasing and reached at the point of 55% by 1990. Whereas, sit-down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
slowly
increased at 40% by 2000 and side by side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
reached at the highest peak point of almost 80% number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
per year.
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IELTS academic Percentage of food budget spent on restaurants meals and home cooking.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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