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percentage of daily intake of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar

percentage of daily intake of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar kLgpN
Above chart illustrates the percentage of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar consumed by an average person in USA in the form of meals and snacks daily. Firstly, the intake of sodium been highest in dinner which is 43% consumed in dinner. Followed by in lunch that is about 29%. In Breakfast and snacks we can observe an equal amount of sodium intake with is 14%. Secondly, also saturated fat is consumed maximum at the time of dinner which is little lower than of sodium that is 37%. Again followed by lunch time where we can see a percentage of 26% saturated fat is consumed. 21% saturated fat is eaten in the form of snacks, and the least consumed saturated fat is observed during breakfast. Lastly, we can observe a huge number of added sugar consumed during snack time by an average person in USA. And next is the dinner that is 23% and with not more difference of 19% and 16% during lunch and breakfast respectively. We can compare and summaries that sodium and saturated fat is consumed maximum during dinner where as added suger is consumed during snack by an average citizen of USA
Above chart illustrates the percentage of sodium,
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saturated
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fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
sugar
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consumed
by an average person
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
in the form of meals and
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snacks
daily.

Firstly
, the intake of sodium been highest in
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dinner
which is 43%
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consumed
in
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dinner
. Followed by in lunch
that is
about 29%. In Breakfast and
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snacks
we can observe an equal amount of sodium intake with is 14%.

Secondly
,
also
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saturated
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fat
is
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consumed
maximum at the time of
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dinner
which is
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little
lower than of sodium
that is
37%. Again followed by lunch
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
we can
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see
a percentage of 26%
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saturated
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fat
is
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consumed
. 21%
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saturated
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fat
is eaten
in the form of
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snacks
, and the least
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consumed
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saturated
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fat
is observed
during breakfast.

Lastly
, we can observe a huge number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snack
time by an average person
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
. And
next
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinner
that is
23% and with not more difference of 19% and 16% during lunch and breakfast
respectively
.

We can compare and summaries that sodium and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
maximum during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinner
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
Possible spelling mistake found.
suger
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snack
by an average citizen of USA
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IELTS academic percentage of daily intake of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
195 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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