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Percentage of Canadian donors by age group from 2000 to 2015

Percentage of Canadian donors by age group from 2000 to 2015 nVA2E
The given bar graph shows five number of age groups in Canada who donated to charities in the year 2000 and 2015. Age group of 35 to 49 and 50 to 64 being at the top position throughout the years. In 2000, highest charity payer age group was of 35 to 49 old with 38% and it slightly depleted to 34% in 2015. On the other hand, in 2000 age group of 50 to 64 was at second position with 34% and went to the top position in 2015 with 37%. People in the group of 60 and over donated to charities with 31% in 2000 and it increased in small amount up to 34% in 2015. The working age group of teenagers and adults from 18 to 24 and 25 to 34 comprised less in both the years. Age group of 18 to 24 was 20% in 2000 and which became nearly half in 2015 with 11%. Consequently, the retired age groups donated more to the charities than the working class group in the years 2000 and 2015.
The
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given
bar graph
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shows
five number of
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age
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groups
in Canada who donated to
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charities
in the
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year
2000 and 2015.
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Age
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group
of 35 to 49 and 50 to 64 being at the top position throughout the years. In 2000,
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highest
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charity
payer
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age
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group
was of 35 to 49
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old
with 38% and it
slightly
depleted to 34% in 2015.
On the other hand
, in 2000
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age
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group
of 50 to 64 was at second position with 34% and went to the top position in 2015 with 37%.
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People
in the
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group
of 60 and over donated to
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charities
with 31% in 2000 and it increased in
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small
amount up to 34% in 2015. The working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and adults from 18 to 24 and 25 to 34 comprised less in both the years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 18 to 24 was 20% in 2000 and which became
nearly
half in 2015 with 11%.
Consequently
, the retired
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age
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groups
donated more to the
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charities
than the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
in the years 2000 and 2015.
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IELTS academic Percentage of Canadian donors by age group from 2000 to 2015

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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