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Percentage of attendance of boys and girls, in primary and secondary school

Percentage of attendance of boys and girls, in primary and secondary school MyrOp
The graph illustrates the percentage of attendance of boys and girls, in primary and secondary school throughout the world by categorizing the data into three groups namely, industrialized countries, developing countries, and least developed countries. Overall presence of both the genders was the highest in the industrialized countries. On the other hand, there was a less percentage of attendance in the least developed countries. Huge number of girls enrolled in the secondary school in the developed countries which was nearly 92 parts. When this was halved it equaled to the girl students enrollment in the higher education in developing countries. Girls seemed to be the least attended secondary school students in the backward countries. There were slightly more number of boys enrolled in higher education in both the industrializing and least industrialized countries however, the number of boys who attended secondary schooling was slightly overweighed by girls. On the other hand, primary school students enrollments rose sharply than the secondary school counterparts in the middle class and poor countries. The rich countries had a petty drop in the male enrollments than that of the females.
The graph illustrates the percentage of attendance of boys and girls, in

primary and
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secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
throughout the world by categorizing the data

into three groups
namely
, industrialized
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countries
, developing
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countries
, and

least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

Overall
presence of both the genders was the highest in the industrialized

countries.
On the other hand
, there was a less percentage of attendance in the

least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

Huge number of girls enrolled in the
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secondary
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school
in the developed

countries which was
nearly
92 parts.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
this
was halved
it equaled to the

girl students enrollment in the higher education in developing
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countries
. Girls

seemed to be the least attended
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secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students in the backward

countries. There were
slightly
more number of boys enrolled in higher

education in both the industrializing and least industrialized countries

however
, the number of boys who attended
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secondary
schooling was
slightly


Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighed
by girls.
On the other hand
, primary
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school
students enrollments

rose
sharply
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
counterparts in the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and

poor
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countries
. The rich
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countries
had a petty drop in the male enrollments

than that of the females.
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IELTS academic Percentage of attendance of boys and girls, in primary and secondary school

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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