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Number visitors per month in three museum

Number visitors per month in three museum Kylj6
The chart dispatch the amount of traveler to three London museums from June and September 2013. Overall, the number of tourist in British Museum in London has a fluctuated in month of summer. Meanwhile, Natural History tourism was maintain stable. Initially, the total of visitors in British Museum in London was being the highest rather than other Museums in London hovering 600 in June and substancially growth in around 750 in July, it was declined for about 500 in August and experienced an oscillation with approximately 650 in the end of the data. On the other hand, the tourist of Natural History in London was stood in around 580 in June. This amount remain steady to August where it finally increased slightly to around 480 in September. Apart from that, there is also the tourism in Science Museum that stay constant in around 450 until summer the end of summer month.
The chart
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "dispatches".
dispatch
the amount of traveler to three London
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
from June and September 2013.

Overall
, the number of tourist in British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in London has a fluctuated in month of summer. Meanwhile, Natural History tourism was
Consider using a past participle here: "maintained".
maintain
stable.

Initially
, the total of visitors in British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in London was being the highest
rather
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
in London hovering 600 in June and
Possible spelling mistake found.
substancially
growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
750 in July, it
was declined
for about 500 in August and experienced an oscillation with approximately 650 in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the data.

On the other hand
, the tourist of Natural History in London
was stood
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
580 in June.
The verb 'remain' is plural. Did you mean: "This amount remains"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This amount remain
steady to August where it
finally
increased
slightly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
480 in September. Apart from that, there is
also
the tourism in Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
that stay constant in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
450 until summer the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of summer month.
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IELTS academic Number visitors per month in three museum

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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