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participation by 5 to 14-year-olds in selected leisure activities (Australia)

participation by 5 to 14-year-olds in selected leisure activities (Australia) D6wAj
The presented chart shows the participation by five to 14-year-olds in selected leisure activities in Australia. The chart covers five activities and is devided by gender. The most popular activites regardless of gender is watching TV or videos. All of the kids and teens spend some time in front of the magic box. Boys are also like spend their time playing computer games. Only one in five male participents did not pick video games as a leisure activity. Bike riding is another faviurable activity among males. On the other hand, less than half of boys selected Skateboarding or art as a hobby. Girls favioured bike riding and computer games alike at 60%. While slightly more than half of the females selected art and craft as a hobby, only a third considered rollerblading to spend their time. As discussed above, after watching TV, while boys prefer electronic games and sports, girls are more likely to pick art and craft as their leisure activities.
The presented chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the participation by five to 14-year-olds in selected leisure
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activities
in Australia. The chart covers five
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activities
and is
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devided
by gender.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
most popular
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
regardless of gender is watching TV or videos.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
kids and teens spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time in front of the magic box.

Boys are
also
like spend their time playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
one in five male
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participents
did not pick video
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games
as a leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Bike riding is another
Possible spelling mistake found.
faviurable
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activity
among males.
On the other hand
, less than half of boys selected Skateboarding or art as a hobby.

Girls
Possible spelling mistake found.
favioured
bike riding and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
alike at 60%. While
slightly
more than half of the females selected art and craft as a hobby,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a third considered rollerblading to spend their time.

As discussed above, after watching TV, while boys prefer electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and sports, girls are more likely to pick art and craft as their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
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IELTS academic participation by 5 to 14-year-olds in selected leisure activities (Australia)

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
162 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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