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part 1, Children travelling to school

part 1, Children travelling to school BgQQ5
The chart gives you information on how children traveled to and from school in the years 1990 and 2010. The mode of commuting shown in this chart are by car, walking, cycling, walking and by bus and by bus only. In this chart, commuting by car is increased significantly from 1990 to 2010. In 1990, the majority of the children were walking to school. However, in 2010 it reduced to up to 6 million trips per year. The total number of trips to school by cycling, walking and bus, were approximately 6 million in 1990. However, the number of trips to school by cycling reduced to 2 million and the number of trips to school by walking and bus reduced to about 3 million in 2010. There is not a significant change to the number of trips to school by bus. In 1990 there were about 7 million children going to school by bus and in 2010 it came down to approximately 5 million. In 1990 the amount of children who travelled to and from school by car was significantly lower than the children who travelled by walking. In conclusion, in 2010 the number of children who travelled to school by car increased and the number of children walking to school was decreased. In 2010, children took the bus to school more often than cycling to school.
The chart gives you information on how
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children
traveled to and from
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school
in the years 1990 and 2010. The mode of commuting shown in this chart are by
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car
, walking,
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cycling
, walking and by bus and by bus
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only
. In this chart, commuting by
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car
is increased
significantly
from 1990 to 2010. In 1990, the majority of the
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children
were walking to
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school
.
However
, in 2010 it
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reduced
to up to 6
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million
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trips
per year. The total
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number
of
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trips
to
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school
by
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cycling
, walking and bus, were approximately 6
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million
in 1990.

However
, the
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number
of
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trips
to
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school
by
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cycling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 2
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million
and the
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number
of
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trips
to
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school
by walking and bus
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reduced
to about 3
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million
in 2010. There is not a significant
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change
to the
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number
of
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trips
to
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school
by bus. In 1990 there were about 7
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million
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children
going to
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school
by bus and in 2010 it came down to approximately 5 million.

In 1990 the amount of
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children
who travelled to and from
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school
by
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car
was
significantly
lower than the
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children
who travelled by walking.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, in 2010 the
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number
of
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children
who travelled to
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school
by
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car
increased and the
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number
of
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children
walking to
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school
was decreased
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
2010,
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children
took the bus to
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school
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycling
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.

IELTS academic part 1, Children travelling to school

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
227 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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