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Parcels delivered by FedEx and TNT Mail Services

Parcels delivered by FedEx and TNT Mail Services oEmP3
The line graph compares number of packages delivered by 2 major mail services companies for 80 years. Overall, it can be clearly seen that figures of boxes shipped by 2 companies has increased, but to a different extent. FedEx parcels fluctuated over the years and grew slightly by the end of the period. On the other hand, TNT delivered numbers rose gradually almost all the time and bypassed FedEx. In the first year, 1920, FedEx’s parcels stood at 15000 and rose enormously to reach about 22000 in 1940. After that, they slumped rapidly to reach weakest delivered figures in 50th and 60th. In contrast TNT stood at 5000 and gradually increased to reach about 12000. Next, they remained at the same level for 20 years until 1980. Over these 20 years, FedEx packages noticeably climbed. Eventually, TNT rocketed and overtook FedEx, which remained relatively static.
The line graph compares number of packages delivered by 2 major mail services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
for 80 years.

Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that figures of boxes shipped by 2
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
has increased,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
extent. FedEx parcels fluctuated over the years and grew
slightly
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
On the other hand
, TNT delivered numbers rose
gradually
almost all the time and bypassed FedEx.

In the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, 1920, FedEx’s parcels stood at 15000 and rose
enormously
to reach about 22000 in 1940. After that, they slumped
rapidly
to reach weakest delivered figures in 50th and 60th. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
contrast
TNT stood at 5000 and
gradually
increased to reach about 12000.
Next
, they remained at the same level for 20 years until 1980. Over these 20 years, FedEx packages
noticeably
climbed.
Eventually
, TNT rocketed and overtook FedEx, which remained
relatively
static.
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IELTS academic Parcels delivered by FedEx and TNT Mail Services

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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