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parcels delivered be Federal Express and TNT Mail services

parcels delivered be Federal Express and TNT Mail services q6M65
The diagram shows the number of deliveries of two postal companies from 1920 to 2000. In general, if at the beginning of the diagram TNT delivered less parcels than Fedex, at the end of the diagram the situation changed. At the beginning, Fedex had a jump in parcels until 1940, this year the number of deliveries almost reached 25, 000, which is the highest mark for the company, over the next 10 years there was a sharp decline to less than 15, 000, but the company still led the the number of deliveries. From 1960 to 2000, the company had slow growth. TNT experienced a slow growth in deliveries from 1920 to 1960. Thus, during this time, the number of shipments increased by 5, 000 per year. It can be added that this year the 2 companies had practically the same number of parcels. For the next 20 years, the number of parcels for TNT remained unchanged. However, in 1980 the number of parcels grow and TNT became the leading postal company in about 5 years.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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number
of
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deliveries
of two postal
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companies
from 1920 to 2000.

In general
, if at the beginning of the diagram TNT delivered
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun parcels is countable.
less
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parcels
than
Did you mean "FedEx"?
Fedex
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the diagram the situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.

At the beginning,
Did you mean "FedEx"?
Fedex
had a jump in
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parcels
until 1940, this
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year
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deliveries
almost reached 25, 000, which is the highest mark for the
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company
, over the
next
10 years there was a sharp decline to less than 15, 000,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
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company
still
led
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
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number
of
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deliveries
. From 1960 to 2000, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
had slow growth.

TNT experienced a slow growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deliveries
from 1920 to 1960.
Thus
, during this time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of shipments increased by 5, 000 per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
that this
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year
the 2
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companies
had
practically
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parcels
. For the
next
20 years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parcels
for TNT remained unchanged.
However
, in 1980 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parcels
grow and TNT became the leading postal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in about 5 years.
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IELTS academic parcels delivered be Federal Express and TNT Mail services

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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