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oscar winner in 2003 and oscar winner in 2008

oscar winner in 2003 and oscar winner in 2008 k6bX2
The pie charts illustrate the changes in the proportions of Oscar winners for seven different film genres in 2003 and 2008. A first glance it is clear that the proportion of films changed for all genres. Besides, the percentage of Thrillers accounted highest percentage while the opposite was seen in comedy in this period. In detail, the proportion of Thrillers that won Oscar dropped from about half in 2003 to nearly a third in 2008. This figure for horror films halved in this period from approximately 20% to 10%. On other hand, action, science fiction, romance and documentary all rose their share of Oscar between 2003 and 2008. The action film is the genre that got a second position of the number of Oscar winners. The period from 2003 to 2008 witnessed the share of Oscar winners by action films increased remarkable from approximately 16% to a quarter. All science fiction, romance and documentary had a slightly increase, about 5% each. Interestingly, the proportion for comedy films which won Oscar stayed the same in this period, only small minority, 5% for this.
The pie charts illustrate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the proportions of Oscar winners for seven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
film genres in 2003 and 2008.

A
first
glance it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of films
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
for all genres.
Besides
, the percentage of Thrillers accounted
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
percentage while the opposite was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in comedy in this period.

In detail, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of Thrillers that won Oscar dropped from about half in 2003 to
nearly
a third in 2008. This figure for horror films halved in this period from approximately 20% to 10%.

On other hand, action, science fiction, romance and documentary all rose their share of Oscar between 2003 and 2008. The action film is the genre that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a second position of the number of Oscar winners. The period from 2003 to 2008 witnessed the share of Oscar winners by action films increased remarkable from approximately 16% to a quarter. All science fiction, romance and documentary had a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('increase') instead of another adjective.
slightly increase
, about 5% each.
Interestingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
for comedy films which won Oscar stayed the same in this period,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
minority, 5% for this.

IELTS academic oscar winner in 2003 and oscar winner in 2008

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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