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% of people using multiple social networking sites in canada in 2014 and 2015

% of people using multiple social networking sites in canada in 2014 and 2015 6dDdW
The given bar chart provides information regarding people surfing various social networking sites in Canada in the given years. Overall, it can be observed that the proportion of one site users was higher in both the years. To begin with, One-fifth proportion of people of Canada had not been used any site in both the years but their percentage had been decreased from 22% in 2014 to 21% in 2015. Whereas the percentage of the five sites users in the year 2014 and 2015 was 2% and 4% respectively. However, the number of one site users was maximum as compared to others in both the years. Apart from this, the proportion of two site, three site and four site users had been followed the descending order. People who had been used the four sites had the percentage 5% and 8% in the year 2014 and 2015. While, the proportion of two site users had been second higher than one site users. However, the percentage of the people who had been used three sites in 2014 and 2015 was 12% and 16% respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart provides information regarding
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people
surfing various social networking
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sites
in Canada in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years.
Overall
, it can
be observed
that the
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proportion
of one
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site
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users
was higher in both the years. To
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begin
with, One-fifth
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proportion
of
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people
of Canada had not been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
any
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site
in both the years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
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percentage
had
been decreased
from 22% in 2014 to 21% in 2015. Whereas the
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percentage
of the five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in the
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year
2014 and 2015 was 2% and 4%
respectively
.
However
, the number of one
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site
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
was maximum as compared to others in both the years. Apart from this, the
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proportion
of two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'site' seems to be countable, so consider using: "sites".
site
, three
Possible agreement error. The noun 'site' seems to be countable, so consider using: "sites".
site
and four
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site
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users
had
been followed
the descending order.
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People
who had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the four
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sites
had the
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percentage
5% and 8% in the
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year
2014 and 2015.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, the
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proportion
of two
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site
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
had been second higher than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
in 2014 and 2015 was 12% and 16%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic % of people using multiple social networking sites in canada in 2014 and 2015

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
182 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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