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number of visitors to museum in 2011

number of visitors to museum in 2011 JVkW6
The bar chart illustrates how many visitors came to art galleries in 6 countries in 2011. It can be seen from the graph that the most visitors came to Louvre Museum in France, is 8. 8 million. With 6 million visitors, the Metropolitan Museum of Art in USA came in second. The third place, which is British Museum in UK has about 5, 8 million people came here. Number of sightseer to National Museum of Korea was about 3. 2 million. Besides, Museo del Prado in Spanish had half the number of guest as the British Museum. State Hermitage, which located in Russia, had the least people visit, about 2. 8 million. Overall, in 2011 approximately 30 million people visited the museums mentioned above. Louvre is the most attractive museum and has a lot of guest come there.
The bar chart illustrates how
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many
visitors
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came
to art galleries in 6 countries in 2011. It can be
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seen
from the graph that the most visitors
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came
to Louvre
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Museum
in France, is 8. 8
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million
. With 6
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million
visitors, the Metropolitan
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Museum
of Art
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
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came
in second. The third place, which is British
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Museum
in UK has about 5, 8
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million
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people
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came
here. Number of sightseer to National
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Museum
of Korea was about 3. 2
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million
.
Besides
,
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Museo
del Prado in Spanish had half the number of guest as the British
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Museum
. State Hermitage, which located in Russia, had the least
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people
visit, about 2. 8 million.

Overall
, in 2011 approximately 30
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million
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people
visited the
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museums
mentioned above. Louvre is the most attractive
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museum
and has
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a lot of
guest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
there.
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IELTS academic number of visitors to museum in 2011

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
138 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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