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Number of road accidents in Someland between 1983- 1995

Number of road accidents in Someland between 1983- 1995 DDmA
the graph gives data about the figure for street accidents in Someland in the oeriod from 1983 to 1995. It can be clearly seen that there was a reduction in the sum of road accidents over a 12 year period starting from the year 1983. Also, it hit a peak in the 1986 and the reached the lowest point in 1991. The number of road accidents remained constant over 4 million over the period 1983 to 1984 previously increased significantly by 2. 2 million of accidents and reached a top at 6. 6 million in the 1986. It plummeted dramatically by 3. 1 million the next year and stood at 3. 5 million of accidents, which followed by a fluctuation between 3. 5 million to 4 million from 1987 to 1992. In that time on, it bottomed out at 2. 8 million in the 1991. But there was a substantially decline in the amount of street accidents in Someland throughout the remaining years and ended at 3 million of accidents.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
graph gives data about the figure for street
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accidents
in
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Someland
in the
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oeriod
from 1983 to 1995. It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there was a reduction in the sum of road
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accidents
over a 12
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year
period starting from the
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year
1983.
Also
, it hit a peak in the 1986 and the reached the lowest point in 1991. The number of road
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accidents
remained constant over 4
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million
over the period 1983 to 1984 previously increased
significantly
by 2. 2
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million
of
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accidents
and reached a top at 6. 6
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million
in the 1986. It plummeted
dramatically
by 3. 1
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million
the
next
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year
and stood at 3. 5
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million
of
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accidents
, which followed by a fluctuation between 3. 5
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million
to 4
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million
from 1987 to 1992. In that time on, it bottomed out at 2. 8
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million
in the 1991.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there was a
You used an adverb ('substantially') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('decline') instead of another adjective.
substantially decline
in the amount of street
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accidents
in
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Someland
throughout the remaining years and ended at 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.

IELTS academic Number of road accidents in Someland between 1983- 1995

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
170 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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