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Number of people visiting different museums from 1980 to 2015

Number of people visiting different museums from 1980 to 2015 Nr0gN
The line chart illustrates the number of people who visited Louvre, Vatican museums, London science museum, Shenzhen museum over the 35-year period from 1980 to 2015. Having a glance at the chart, similar upward can be noticed for Louvre and Vatican museums while London science museum and Shenzhen museum showed a downward and a fluctuating trend respectively during the given period. Louvre had the most number of visitors from around 8 million in 1980 to little less than 10 million in 2015 whereas London science museum saw a steady decline and recorded lowest number of visitors at the end of period which was around 2 million. Furthermore, Vatican museums experienced little less than two-fold increase in the number of visitors from around 5 million in 1980 to approximately 9 million in 2015 while Shenzhen museum had lowest visitors in 1980 to around 4 million. It hit the trough in 2000 and after that visitors increased steadily to remain at about 4 million in 2015.
The line chart illustrates the
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number
of
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people
who visited Louvre, Vatican
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museums
, London science
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museum
, Shenzhen
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museum
over the 35-year period from 1980 to 2015.

Having a glance at the chart, similar upward can
be noticed
for Louvre and Vatican
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museums
while London science
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museum
and Shenzhen
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museum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a downward and a fluctuating trend
respectively
during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.

Louvre had the most
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number
of
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visitors
from
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around
8
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million
in 1980 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
less than 10
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million
in 2015 whereas London science
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museum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a steady decline and recorded lowest
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number
of
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visitors
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of period which was
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around
2 million.

Furthermore
, Vatican
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museums
experienced
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little
less than two-fold increase in the
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number
of
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visitors
from
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around
5
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million
in 1980 to approximately 9
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million
in 2015 while Shenzhen
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museum
had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
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visitors
in 1980 to
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around
4
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million
. It hit the trough in 2000 and after that
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visitors
increased
steadily
to remain at about 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2015.
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IELTS academic Number of people visiting different museums from 1980 to 2015

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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