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Six pie charts show water utilised in six different areas of world

Six pie charts show water utilised in six different areas of world JoXGa
The six pie charts illustrate the proportion of water utilised in six different areas of the world for industrial use, domestic use and agricultural use. Overall, it can be observed that maximum percentage of water was used by industries in North America and Europe whereas in Africa, Central Asia, South East Asia and South America, highest proportion of water was used in agricultural activities. In Central Asia, consumption of water in agriculture comprised of 88% while for industrial and domestic purposes, it was only 5% and 7% respectively. In Africa and South East Asia, less than 20% water was consumed for industrial and domestic purposes. Furthermore, in the category of domestic purpose, highest percentage of water was utilised in South America, which amounts to 19% whereas Industries consumed 53% water in Europe. In Europe and North America, only 32 % and 39% water was consumed respectively for agriculture related activities.
The six pie charts illustrate the proportion of
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water
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utilised
in six
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different
areas of the world for industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
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domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Overall
, it can
be observed
that maximum percentage of
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water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by industries in North America and Europe whereas in Africa, Central Asia, South East Asia and South America,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
proportion of
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water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in agricultural activities.

In Central Asia, consumption of
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water
in agriculture comprised of 88% while for industrial and
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domestic
purposes, it was
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only
5% and 7%
respectively
. In Africa and South East Asia, less than 20%
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water
was consumed
for industrial and
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domestic
purposes.

Furthermore
, in the category of
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domestic
purpose,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
in South America, which amounts to 19% whereas Industries consumed 53%
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water
in Europe. In Europe and North America,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
32 % and 39%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was consumed
respectively
for agriculture related activities.
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IELTS academic Six pie charts show water utilised in six different areas of world

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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