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number of people in sports activities and type of families

number of people in sports activities and type of families 1AllN
The bar graph provides the number of people who are helpers in sports organisations based on household type in 2010, located in New Zealand. On the other hand the pie chart draws the number of people who have veries type of jobs, 11 years ago. The bar chart shows that couples who have dependent children participate this organisation more than other groups, whereas the single parents have the lowest percentage of helping. This pie chart includes many jobs which the workers support rules and the toppest rate goes to to coaches or instructors, although the best rate belongs to medical support. In the final analysis I couldn't find the link between the two sets of information except the same periods of time. Couples with no dependent children help the sport organisation just 26. 9%, whilst the couples who have children are participate double of the previous percentage. Referees or umpires are left to the last within number of 98, 300 volunteers, however, teachers used more and up to a quarter of the pie chart.
The bar graph provides the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are helpers in sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
based on household type in 2010, located in New Zealand.
On the other hand
the pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
draws the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
veries
type of jobs, 11 years ago.

The bar
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chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that couples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have dependent children participate this
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
more than other groups, whereas the single parents have the lowest percentage of helping. This pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs which the workers support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
toppest
rate goes
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
coaches or instructors, although the best rate belongs to medical support. In the final analysis I couldn't find the link between the two sets of information except the same periods of time.

Couples with no dependent children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
26. 9%, whilst the couples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have children are
Consider using a past participle here: "participated".
participate
double of the previous percentage.

Referees or umpires are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to the last within number of 98, 300 volunteers,
however
, teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more and up to a quarter of the pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
.
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IELTS academic number of people in sports activities and type of families

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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