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Number of networks user in 2014 and 2015

Number of networks user in 2014 and 2015 APLLN
A glance at the graph reveals the percentage of people who was using various social media networks in Canda between 2014 and 2015. Looking from all prospective, readily apparent that one site remained as the largest area of network users by far despite of substantial decreasing during the given period, while the others had comparatively small increased, except of no site and tow sites which almost unchanged. According to what is shown, the using of multiple sites took an upward trajectory where five site user (which by far is the smallest proportion) increased slightly from 2% in 2014 to 4% in 2015. Likewise, the the number of tow, four and five sites grew marginally with 1% 3% and 4% respectively. Although, the number of people who did not use any sites declined from 22 percent to 21 percent, the proportion in this category remained fifth of the users during the period. Surprisingly, the ratio of one site decreased significantly precisely 8 percent. It is interesting to note, that both tended to take an inverse relationship were whenever the number is varied, the percentage of people declined
A glance at the graph reveals the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who was using various social media networks in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canda
between 2014 and 2015.

Looking from all prospective,
readily
apparent that one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
remained as the largest area of network users by far
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
substantial decreasing during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period, while the others had
comparatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
increased, except of no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
and tow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
which almost unchanged.

According to what
is shown
, the using of multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
took an upward trajectory where five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
user (which by far is the smallest proportion) increased
slightly
from 2% in 2014 to 4% in 2015.
Likewise
,
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
number of tow, four and five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
grew
marginally
with 1% 3% and 4%
respectively
.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
declined from 22

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
percent
to 21 percent, the proportion in this category remained fifth of the users during the period.
Surprisingly
, the ratio of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
decreased
significantly
precisely


8 percent.

It is interesting to note, that both tended to take an inverse relationship were whenever the number
is varied
, the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
declined
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IELTS academic Number of networks user in 2014 and 2015

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
185 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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