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Nowadays overweight is a burning issue in children. Ceratin masses ponder that government is responsible for this problem in children while others assume that it is the parent's mistake. This essay will elaborate on both views and give my opinion.

Nowadays overweight is a burning issue in children. Ceratin masses ponder that government is responsible for this problem in children while others assume that it is the parent's mistake. This essay will elaborate on both views and give my opinion. rKGWl
To begin with, why the overweight problem is a big problem among kids? There are many reasons the prime reason is the vast use of junk food and lack of exercise. To make it more clear, though readymade food is available at their home, they have a habit to eat junk food that contains low carbohydrates. For example, children always avoid their lunch box in a school they used to take lunch at their school canteen. As a result, they can have an obesity problems. Moreover, they are not conscious of their diet, even they avoid exercise and walking. The second reason is that socio-economic background and family factors. What I mean is many families do not provide healthy food to their kids due to their low income. For example, in major slums areas like Dharavi where their children face weight problems, they have eaten only cheap and low nutrition food which they can get from the street market. Hence, they suffer from heavy fat. On the other hand, why the government is responsible for high weight problems in children. The main reason is that they never checked the quality of ingredients of street food and grocery stores. In other words, in spite of the good quality of food in retailer stores, they tried to sell wastage food to their consumers. Therefore people can not get proper groceries from the market they can face health problems in their children. To sum up, according to me although it is the parent's duty to take care of their kids' diet we can not deny government responsibilities for the quality of food
To
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begin
with, why the overweight
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problem
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
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problem
among kids? There are
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many
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reasons
the prime
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reason
is the vast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of junk
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food
and lack of exercise. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, though
Possible spelling mistake found.
readymade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is available at their home, they have a habit to eat junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that contains low carbohydrates.
For example
, children always avoid their lunch box in a school they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take lunch at their school canteen.
As a result
, they can have an obesity problems.

Moreover
, they are not conscious of their diet, even they avoid exercise and walking. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-economic
background and family factors. What I mean is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families do not provide healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to their kids due to their low income.
For example
, in major slums areas like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dharavi
where their children face weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, they have eaten
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and low nutrition
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food
which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from the street market.
Hence
, they suffer from heavy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.

On the other hand
, why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is responsible for high weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in children. The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
the quality of ingredients of street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and grocery stores.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in retailer stores, they tried to sell wastage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to their consumers.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper groceries from the market they can face health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in their children.

To sum up, according to me although it is the parent's duty to take care of their kids' diet we can not deny
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
responsibilities for the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
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IELTS academic Nowadays overweight is a burning issue in children. Ceratin masses ponder that government is responsible for this problem in children while others assume that it is the parent's mistake. This essay will elaborate on both views and give my opinion.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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