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The line graph represents the data of overseas students and local graduates enrolled in Australian universities over a decade starting from 1989 ranging up to 1999. To begin with, nearly 10000 overseas students were commencing out of total enrollment of 20000 in year 1989. Both the number of commencing student and total student kept on increasing over a period of ten years. In 1999, the amount of student starting education was just above 40000. Moreover, the total enrollment was double of commencing students in year 1999. Additionally, in 1989, the regional students beginning study in Australian universities were about 180000. Same year there were total 400000 local students. The amount of student enrolling in course peaked in year 1990-91 then it showed fluctuation and by end of 1999 it was just above 200000. However, the number of total enrolments of local student kept on increasing steadily till year 1996 and then flattened at 600000 up-to 1999. Overall, it can be seen that the proportion of overseas students starting their education in Australian universities and total enrollments is increased from 1989 to 1999.
The line graph represents the data of overseas
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students
and local graduates enrolled in Australian universities over a decade starting from 1989 ranging up to 1999.

To
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begin
with,
nearly
10000 overseas
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students
were commencing out of
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total
enrollment of 20000 in
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year
1989. Both the number of commencing
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student
and
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total
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student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on increasing over a period of ten years. In 1999, the amount of
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student
starting education was
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just
above 40000.
Moreover
, the
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total
enrollment was double of commencing
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students
in
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year
1999.

Additionally
, in 1989, the regional
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students
beginning study in Australian universities were about 180000. Same
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year
there were
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total
400000 local
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students
. The amount of
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student
enrolling in course peaked in
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year
1990-91 then it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
fluctuation and by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 1999 it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 200000.
However
, the number of
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total
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
of local
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student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on increasing
steadily
till
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year
1996 and then flattened at 600000 up-to 1999.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the proportion of overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
starting their education in Australian universities and
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total
enrollments
is increased
from 1989 to 1999.
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IELTS academic nmmn nnn n n

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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