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National expenditure in the emirates

National expenditure in the emirates PVBBj
The data provides information on the proportion of national expenditure in the Emirates in 2000. The total was around 300 billion AED and several sectors are mentioned, from healthcare to social security costs. From an overall perspective, the major costs that the government had to fund were the social security, with 100 billion AED per year and the health and personal social services, with 53 billion AED respectively. The fewer costs faced up by the government were for transport and industry, agriculture and employment, covering just 9 billion AED and 13 billion AED. The third position is covered by the educational field, which required 38 billion AED per year. In contrast, lower budget sectors underlined in the pie chart concern the law and order, with an annual cost in 2000 of 17 billion dollars and the housing, heritage and environment, with 15 billion AED respectively. Two sectors required the same costs, specifically the debt interest and other expenditure non specifically mentioned. Indeed, the national expenditure was around 23 billion AED. Moreover, the Emirates spent 22 billion AED for the defence in 2000. To sum up, the Emirates expenditure was dominant in social security and healthcare sector and education, otherwise fewer money were spent in smaller fields that are not dominant in the local economy.
The data provides information on the proportion of national
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expenditure
in the Emirates in 2000. The total was around 300
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billion
AED and several
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sectors
are mentioned
, from healthcare to
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social
security costs.

From an
overall
perspective, the major
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costs
that the
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government
had to fund were the
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social
security, with 100
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billion
AED per year and the health and personal
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social
services, with 53
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billion
AED
respectively
. The fewer
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costs
faced up by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
were for transport and industry, agriculture and employment, covering
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just
9
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billion
AED and 13
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billion
AED.

The third position
is covered
by the educational field, which required 38
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billion
AED per year.
In contrast
, lower budget
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sectors
underlined in the pie chart concern the law and order, with an annual
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cost
in 2000 of 17
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billion
dollars and the housing, heritage and environment, with 15
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billion
AED
respectively
. Two
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sectors
required the same
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costs
,
specifically
the debt interest and other
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expenditure
non
specifically
mentioned.
Indeed
, the national
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expenditure
was around 23
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billion
AED.
Moreover
, the Emirates spent 22
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billion
AED for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
in 2000.

To sum up, the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "Emirates'" or "emirate's"?
Emirates
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expenditure
was dominant in
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social
security and healthcare
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sector
and education,
otherwise
Did you mean "less money"?
fewer money
were spent
in smaller fields that are not dominant in the local economy.
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IELTS academic National expenditure in the emirates

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
214 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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